the damage goods.

when i was younger i used to think that fairy tales come true and everyone has their own prince charming. he may not be in a shining armour, but atleast he will pick you up and show you what love is all about.

i dreamed of meeting the one and praying that he would soon come and sweep me off my feet. that he wont hurt me and will never leave me. well, he did come, swept me off my feet so i can land on the ground with my butt hurting.

after that incident in my life, i think i never "recovered". and up until now the guys i ended up having a relationship with are paying for it.

dont get me wrong, im way past that stage now.  i dont feel the pain and the hurt anymore, i dont even hate the person. but something did change. there's a part of me that died that day when i realised that he was not the one.

i did a complete 180 when that happened. i was never the same. i couldnt even recall how i was before. all i remember is that i was never the bitch that i am now.

i try my very best to put the pieces back together. to find my self. the me that was endearing and sweet and careful. but im struggling. .

im just going through the motions. waiting and waiting until i reach a point where saturation will kill the thrill within me and this, whatever i have, will die. and whenever this happens, one of us ended up being
damaged in the process.

i need to stop looking for things that would hurt other people. that would make me lose them and myself again. being with me is a vicious cycle.

so i need to stop.

i need to go figure myself first. then maybe, just maybe... i might get back to the way i truly am.

karma's a bitch and so am i

karma's a bitch.

well, karma is an uber bitch! my friday started out well enough, it was after all my favorite day of the whole entire week! because its cheesy friday! anyways, the day started pretty normal (i already said that) training as usual and my annoying mood swing did not rear its ugly head once! yay for me! we went to mass as per my boss, we should, though im really melting there, the upside to that is! we ate pizza!! GLORIOUS PIZZA!! im really trying to avoid that damn calories all those weeks of eating crackers and water and yakult was so over with 4 small slices of pizza! LOL! well more diet to go! anyways... so my work day is so over and done with. HOW EVER! i just had to say goodbye to EH. because i miss him and its a nice goodbye forever touch. im actually avoiding the bastard till he make his move. he's just too damn stubborn and torpe. or am i just hoping for nothing??? idk.

so we went to Bancheto, the every friday, food smorgasborg in ortigas, where french cuisine meets japanese craves, where filipino flare is mixed with american grits, you get the idea. and as the usual, i ordered my bancheto meal for a lifetime, the pesto with baked chicken. for 100php its sooo gooood, its soooo worth it! and my friends tried it as well and it was a hit! we actually ordered everything there. soo after we munched (demure) on our meals we talked about a lot of stuff... honestly M gossiped, bitched and over all humiliated the 3 stooges. and we just laughed our assess off. technically we said some things too, but no where near the angst of M. soooo laugh and luagh and now its time to leave, im going back to gapo (here)...

soo on the way:
rode a freaking taxi who charge like hell is freezing over if he doesnt get a mark up to 80!!
rode the wrong bus!
eded up sitting in the conductor's chair which is so hard and uncomfortable it gave me a butt ache!
the tires on the bus went splat! so we got stuck somewhere in pampanga just so we can change tires
never got a chance to sleep because every time the driver switched lanes im gonna fall off!! so sleepy pa naman!

that was so karma! what a loser day to start sturday!