rumour blogging

i totally forgot how fun and therapeutic blogging is... i think this is the reason why the stress is getting on to me, i dont have an outlet where i can just pour my heart and soul into without the fear of being judged. so now. since i have pinkberry (laptop) with me, i will try, as best that i can to blog.

so blogging starts now...

so the story goes of the boy meets girl and the girl meets boy.

i never really want to blog about my personal life anymore because i had a "staker-scare" moment, but this call for a a blog moment. because if i will not let this loose, i will die. (mentally)

so this started with rumours. the rumour that i have a bf in the office spread like wildfire. at first it annoyed the hell outta me. i mean, wtf?? dont you guys have better things to do than to gossip about me?? and why is my lovelife all of the sudden the talk of the town? and why all of sudden everybody started caring about it??

precisely the point of me not wanting an OFFICE ROMANCE.

so for the past weeks... every one bugged me about whether i or not i have a relationship with M. scratch that a romantic relationship with M. how bad is the bugging you ask? well imagine me, walking towards my station at the start of my shift and everyone that passed by my station asked: kayo na ba ni M?

WTF. that happened for atleast a solid 2 weeks straight.

then it died down because whenever i get asked of the question, i always ALWAYS answer: ASK HIM. same goes for him.

now comes the good part... (the brit in me is talking)

it started with me putting on HEARTBREAK WARFARE as my status in BBM. (i swear to gawd sometimes BBM is eevil) then M followed suit. i didnt know that he did so i got confused/surprised when he BBMed me saying that people were texting him asking if he had an LQ or does he have a gf or if we fought. THE FUCK?!! (he is not in the office btw hes out sick with sore eyes)

i always had that status on BBM if not this icon (-__-).

sooo moving along, since some of my "kids" are also my BB, buddies they were asking if we broke up. greaaaaattttt. then everyone started asking me too if we broke up, if we have LQ or not.

then we talked about it and said that since they want a show, lets give them a goddamn show.

he even put on fb that heartbreak warfare is a song by john mayer and that we both liked it. and we are not fighting. we even made a joke about it. the next i know. everyone's taking sides already.

mostly they're for me, saying that I deserve better, he's not a good match for me, he's a playboy, he's this and that and this and that.

someone even came up to me and said that he/she/it never really see us lasting longer than 2 months, because he's not a good catch. he'll just break my heart and leave me... blah blah blah

even the managers and people that i dont normally associate with GOSSIPING and CARING about me, even give their 2 cents. i wont go into details about what they are saying about him, me, or us as it is not important. (and i dont wanna dwell on the negative)

and with all this currently in loop in my life right now... i am OVERWHELMED + STRESSED at the same time.

i am OVERWHELMED because i never knew that they all love me that much. i never thought that i was really their baby in the office. they all feel for me. and they all said the same thing, one more fuck up from him and he'll be dead. ahahaha! i never thought that they care for me that much and they dont want to see me get hurt. seriously, i LOVE you guys to bits, even when sometimes your making my life miserable.

IM STRESSED because, this wont die down! and im not expecting this to die down, because he has yet to return to work and i am pretty suuurrre that when he comes back, its gonna be bigger, bolder and nastier than ever.

for a ruse, this sure is a fucked up outcome. i even said to the people that its not his fault. that im the one to blame. that i was the cause of all the shits that's been happening to us just so they would stop all of their threats against him.

oh my. FML. sorry M. dont worry, as i told you on BBM if i have a sudden bout of hysteria ill just stop talking to you to avoid starting a warpath against you. :) i will do that, whether you like it or not.

sooooo... yes i finally let it all out. i hope i can breathe a little better...

look at what we've become

i've been chatting with my college buddies trhu facebook. been rekindling some college barkada chismis and antics as well. medyo nawala kasi ako sa sirkulasyon. actually laging nangyayari un sakin. focus ko kasi work eh.

so via facebook ive been hearing that not everyone turned up to be a big shot journalist like everyone dreamed of. dun ko rin narealise na napaka idealic naman ng college for us, especially for me. college is supposed to teach me the rounds of the dog eat dog world but hell!!! wala rin pala. its still a comfort zone.

some of them, who i believe will turn out to be one hell of a journalist are now in cc. just like me. yung iba naman, eventhough they're living the journalistic dream wants to be in cc.

for example my friend lee. i would kill to get a chance to apply in abs, he's already in that zone. he just need to prove himself. and he's one good writer too.
kaya lang he's thinking of applying in a cc. kasi nga ang baba ng pay.

mjeff. one hell of a writer. i can totally see her writing for the literary section of PDI. then she's teaching korean kids to speak english.

doing what you love doesnt always equate in making you happy.

ive been contemplating about how would i feel when i pursue my journalism career.

would i absolutely love it?

would i be so happy and contented?

i dont think so. siguro kung solong katawan lang ako... na hindi ko sinusuportahan ang pamilya ko. maatim kong mag sulat for a living. ok lang sakin na 12k starting ko or 10k. basta im writing.

pero hindi eh. i need money. i need to save money. i need to give money. i need money to survive.

akala ko talaga, im such a loser for not pursuing a journalistic career. im such a loser kasi wala akong nababalitaan na batchmate kong nag end up sa cc but me.

but then eto na, i know the truth.

napaisip na rin ako eh, buti nang ganito. di ko man pinag aralan to, atleast binubuhay ako.

hindi na praktikal na ipilit mo na ang pinag aralan mo ang makuha mong trabaho. hindi rin naman masama yun. pero sa sitwasyon natin ngayon, di talaga advisable. mahirap ang buhay ngayon. kailangan natin ng pera.

saka ko na siguro iisipin ang pagsusulat. pag nakapag ipon na ako ng malaki laki. na hindi ako nahihirapang hugutin ang pera kung saan.

or...

mag asawa na lang ako ng bilyonaryo na may stocks sa isang broadcasting company at magdemand na gawan ako ng sarili kong show or magazine! ahahahahaha!!!

wish ko lang.