glad you came

i absolutely have to let you go. its a vicious cycle for the both of us. its like we're each others drugs. and i cant live like that anymore. i have to draw the line and say to myself that i deserve someone better... and i  have to believe that i deserve someone better. not someone that's part time, like you. this would be my last entry about you. as i would like to move forward with my life, free of you. and i do not want to reminisce in the future and say to myself why i didnt pull the plug when i had the chance. so you, whoever you are. thank you for being part of my life. im glad you came, you taught me a very valuable lesson, that its ok to love someone, as long as you love yourself too. its ok for you to lose yourself for someone but you have to make sure that your lifeline is still intact.

another wonderful experience with globe

hey globe i just really wanted to thank you for all the shitty things that you've done.

i love you guys so much so let me count the ways:

1. Your hotline IVR has alot of options that are unnecessary.
2. I chose an english speaking representative because i cannot explain my issue with your broadband in tagalog, because frankly, i got used to english. SO i expect an english speaking rep to answer my query, i understand that ENGLISH is not our native language nor we are experts on this, but if you put an agent on that queue make sure they know how to speak it and understand the language!
3. You have the shittiest type of VERIFICATION ever! Your agent whom i spoke with, really is AMAZING. seriously, does he understand english?! he asked for all the information that my mum has, i understand its part of your process he's just following protocol but does he need to use a condescending tone everytime? I already told him that im looking at a copy of the bill and it doesnt say anywhere on the bill what type of plan im on, if it says there i wouldve said it. I already provided the name of the account holder, full address with post code and DOB and my relationship to the account holder and still not enough? or are you just buying time to look for an answer to my query?
4. TRAIN YOUR PEOPLE. Im speaking on a high level here, because i am a trainer of an ISP's Technical Support Tier 1 and Tier 2. The basics of connection especially with a router is the GUI. Graphic User Interface and your agent doesnt even know what that is!

its is tiring to be your customer. seriously.

im calling my self a single woman in a confusing and complicated relationship

i had a lot going on right now, so i am unable to blog. so this entry will be more on a lookback and hopefully a look forward.

work is heavy right now and i rather not talk about it. i dont wanna read this into my future when i do a lookback.

lovelife is confusing. i dunno what we are right now. i know what i am, but if you put us together, im confused. so now, im calling my self a single woman in a confusing and complicated relationship. fitting.
we talk but we havent seen each other, he's busy, im super busy, so we cant really see each other. atleast we're talking constantly. constant communication is key.  and today its different, he actually listened to my issues and problems at work and life and not once did he turned it all about him. thank you.

what else, oh friends! i actually have more time with my friends now that he's working. i have a tendency to focus on a single subject which is him, for the past 6 months, so i think ill alot some of my time to my friends.

its macoi's bday and we are planning it!!! its called macoi's dragday!! so everyone is gonna be in drag and heavy makeup and fun fun fun!!! i cant wait to dance and partey!!!

yes, my calendar does not have a feb 14 either!!

yes like normal people i skipped the vday.

not being a bitter prick here but im done and over with valentines day. its not like christmas where everybody has to comply and celebrate the damn thing! ( ilove christmas btw)

i was a bitter neanderthal the first half of the day due to seeing too many "i-love-you-babe" on the innernets! the one thing i hate the most are overtly lovey couples.

and yes, being surrounded by single and bitter people helped shaped my mood that day.

lemme make this clear. the last time i spent vday was pretty awesome and surreal it had to be fake. i mean who would do something like that? that is uniquely impossible! and yet he accomplished it. turns out, the reaosn why he did that was because he had a huge skeleton to bury and he needed it to disappear fast.

so i was kindda traumatised by that. however, recent turn of events had change my mood ever so slightly on this particular 14th of feb. i got a surprise by M. he gave me balloons and candies.

surprise and total shock, because M is never the surprise kindda person. he always always forgets things that is not related to him. ask him what my birthday is, he wouldnt even know. that's how annoyingly selfish M is.

so imagine my surprise, when i get a commanding call from him asking me commanding me to go down to the parking lot because he has to give me something. Lo and Behold he gave me balloons and candies. im grateful for that really but he didnt have to carry me! goodness!

honestly, i was caught off guard. i was floating after. i wasnt really happy i was really... grateful. grateful that he remembered me on vday. and he took the time and effort just to visit me at work and make me feel special, even if its less than 30 mins.

my own terms

i will eternally love my gayfriends.

they can tell that im unhappy without me syaing anything. even when they dont see what i look like.

its trivial for me, to have this bond with them that it scares me, what scares me the most is that i would not be able to mask anything from them anymore. if you should know (talking to myself here) the thing that i mastered in my life is to hide my emotions.

i am notorious in burying my feelings until i forgot that i even had those emotions. i am one of those people that would tell you whats just on the surface, anything else beneath the surface is mine and mine alone. I carry other people's burden but i would never want other people to carry mine. its selfish i know...

people telling me their deepest darkest thoughts and emotions, trusting me enough to let me in... but i can never do that. im selfish when it comes to my own demons. ill fight them alone. i never want to impose myself on other people. and i will not start now.

i guess im the biggest masochist and sadist there is, i enjoy giving pain to myself and receiving pain from myself.

its not that i dont trust anyone. its just that... i am uncomfortable with people knowing more than what they should know. im... not use to people pushing their opinions and judgement on me because i dont want a tainted decision. i want to fight my own battles in my battlefield with my own strategy. and i dont want any casualties... but me