when i was younger i used to think that fairy tales come true and everyone has their own prince charming. he may not be in a shining armour, but atleast he will pick you up and show you what love is all about.
i dreamed of meeting the one and praying that he would soon come and sweep me off my feet. that he wont hurt me and will never leave me. well, he did come, swept me off my feet so i can land on the ground with my butt hurting.
after that incident in my life, i think i never "recovered". and up until now the guys i ended up having a relationship with are paying for it.
dont get me wrong, im way past that stage now. i dont feel the pain and the hurt anymore, i dont even hate the person. but something did change. there's a part of me that died that day when i realised that he was not the one.
i did a complete 180 when that happened. i was never the same. i couldnt even recall how i was before. all i remember is that i was never the bitch that i am now.
i try my very best to put the pieces back together. to find my self. the me that was endearing and sweet and careful. but im struggling. .
im just going through the motions. waiting and waiting until i reach a point where saturation will kill the thrill within me and this, whatever i have, will die. and whenever this happens, one of us ended up being
damaged in the process.
i need to stop looking for things that would hurt other people. that would make me lose them and myself again. being with me is a vicious cycle.
so i need to stop.
i need to go figure myself first. then maybe, just maybe... i might get back to the way i truly am.
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