overwhelming

This overwhelming feeling swallowed me last friday. I dunno why I let myself be victimized by this annoying feeling. It consumed me for the greater part of thursday and friday. My twitter account is a testament to that. Maybe i should stop fighting with myself. Really, its unhealthy and it only brings out nothing but negative delusions and emotions that should never be there.

I should look into the brighter side of things, it hasnt mentioned and done something that would make me question about everything for the past months... I think thats a good sign... is it?

I just cant do another painful year. I just cant. my walls are slowly crumbling and i kept on putting cement on every crack, trying to fill out the voids that i know if i let it be, would be catastrophic for me...

i just want to stop.

wedding jitters

the reason why i dont have anything to blog about is because everything on my plate right now is all about relationship status. and frankly, i am tired of it, over it and done with it.  and unlike MO Twister, im not going to record my emotions and hearts on any form of media for the whole goddamn world to see. even if the whole goddamn world does not care about me. because what i feel right this moment, is a ginormous piece of crap that i would not like to revisit when im a cranky old lady.

anyhoo... my friend ica will finally get hitched by her high school/college bf paul!! woo hoo!! im suppose to be one of the host for their wedding, well i still am... hehehe... im mostly afraid that my FULL BLOWN JOLOGS mode will be on full blast! ahahhaha!!

and i havent even started buying gifts for them  and they will be getting married on saturday! good job me! atleast i bought a dress to wear to their wedding, and may also add that i dont know where the fuck is?! i mean i know its in the far away kingdom of Antipolo, i could always take a cab to go there but hell!! how will i go home? what if it ends way past midnight?!! aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!! the horror! chos!

cinderella lang ang peg ko! PAK!

ahahaha! ill just cross the bridge when i freaking get there, im resourceful, always have. i will survive this. its a freaking wedding, and its not even mine so shouldnt freak out like an OC OC bridezilla!

ahahaha!!

weddings... aahhhh never good with weddings. although... i can always picture myself getting married and having a ceremony.

never really wanted a big wedding, whether i can afford it or not, i always wanted to have a small wedding. with a max of 50 guest. thats it. 25 for me, 25 for my unlucky groom... sorry future groomy (whoever you are) your future wife doesnt like people and crowd! bleeeehhhh!!

BITTER

bitterness can really change a person... ive never met a more bitter person than you. 

ive been accused of a lot of things but not THAT. never THAT. you are just too bitter to accept that I will never EVER be yours...

i pity you... you cannot move on from your sad life. instead of be happy for me, because i thought we were and still are. i should never have trusted you again. 

i hope in time you realise how fucked you are, and your words, actually hurt. 

because yeah, i do take it personal.  I TAKE IT VERY PERSONAL. 

do you know the feeling of loving someone but not IN LOVE with them?? yeah... thats the exact same feeling i have for him right now. 

i know now that we are really destined to be friends, better, friend for life. 

i know basing from my previous post, that i have no right in judging the things i feel right now. but im not using my heart right now, im using my brain. and my mind says to stop thinking about things too much. stop planning too much and stop over analyzing things too much.

so thats just what ill do. ill just stop. 

the damage goods.

when i was younger i used to think that fairy tales come true and everyone has their own prince charming. he may not be in a shining armour, but atleast he will pick you up and show you what love is all about.

i dreamed of meeting the one and praying that he would soon come and sweep me off my feet. that he wont hurt me and will never leave me. well, he did come, swept me off my feet so i can land on the ground with my butt hurting.

after that incident in my life, i think i never "recovered". and up until now the guys i ended up having a relationship with are paying for it.

dont get me wrong, im way past that stage now.  i dont feel the pain and the hurt anymore, i dont even hate the person. but something did change. there's a part of me that died that day when i realised that he was not the one.

i did a complete 180 when that happened. i was never the same. i couldnt even recall how i was before. all i remember is that i was never the bitch that i am now.

i try my very best to put the pieces back together. to find my self. the me that was endearing and sweet and careful. but im struggling. .

im just going through the motions. waiting and waiting until i reach a point where saturation will kill the thrill within me and this, whatever i have, will die. and whenever this happens, one of us ended up being
damaged in the process.

i need to stop looking for things that would hurt other people. that would make me lose them and myself again. being with me is a vicious cycle.

so i need to stop.

i need to go figure myself first. then maybe, just maybe... i might get back to the way i truly am.

happy birthday LOLO

i never want to think of the negative. all i want to think about is the positive. even just for today.

all i want to think about is my lolo. mi abuelo.

he is the man, apart from my father, that i will ever love unconditionally and eternally. He was the pillar of my strength, an unwavering force of nature that continues to inspire and push me to my limits.

He was the love that words cannot explain, and I am simply at a loss.

To my dearest Lolo, may you continue to rest in peace and love me from afar.

rumour blogging

i totally forgot how fun and therapeutic blogging is... i think this is the reason why the stress is getting on to me, i dont have an outlet where i can just pour my heart and soul into without the fear of being judged. so now. since i have pinkberry (laptop) with me, i will try, as best that i can to blog.

so blogging starts now...

so the story goes of the boy meets girl and the girl meets boy.

i never really want to blog about my personal life anymore because i had a "staker-scare" moment, but this call for a a blog moment. because if i will not let this loose, i will die. (mentally)

so this started with rumours. the rumour that i have a bf in the office spread like wildfire. at first it annoyed the hell outta me. i mean, wtf?? dont you guys have better things to do than to gossip about me?? and why is my lovelife all of the sudden the talk of the town? and why all of sudden everybody started caring about it??

precisely the point of me not wanting an OFFICE ROMANCE.

so for the past weeks... every one bugged me about whether i or not i have a relationship with M. scratch that a romantic relationship with M. how bad is the bugging you ask? well imagine me, walking towards my station at the start of my shift and everyone that passed by my station asked: kayo na ba ni M?

WTF. that happened for atleast a solid 2 weeks straight.

then it died down because whenever i get asked of the question, i always ALWAYS answer: ASK HIM. same goes for him.

now comes the good part... (the brit in me is talking)

it started with me putting on HEARTBREAK WARFARE as my status in BBM. (i swear to gawd sometimes BBM is eevil) then M followed suit. i didnt know that he did so i got confused/surprised when he BBMed me saying that people were texting him asking if he had an LQ or does he have a gf or if we fought. THE FUCK?!! (he is not in the office btw hes out sick with sore eyes)

i always had that status on BBM if not this icon (-__-).

sooo moving along, since some of my "kids" are also my BB, buddies they were asking if we broke up. greaaaaattttt. then everyone started asking me too if we broke up, if we have LQ or not.

then we talked about it and said that since they want a show, lets give them a goddamn show.

he even put on fb that heartbreak warfare is a song by john mayer and that we both liked it. and we are not fighting. we even made a joke about it. the next i know. everyone's taking sides already.

mostly they're for me, saying that I deserve better, he's not a good match for me, he's a playboy, he's this and that and this and that.

someone even came up to me and said that he/she/it never really see us lasting longer than 2 months, because he's not a good catch. he'll just break my heart and leave me... blah blah blah

even the managers and people that i dont normally associate with GOSSIPING and CARING about me, even give their 2 cents. i wont go into details about what they are saying about him, me, or us as it is not important. (and i dont wanna dwell on the negative)

and with all this currently in loop in my life right now... i am OVERWHELMED + STRESSED at the same time.

i am OVERWHELMED because i never knew that they all love me that much. i never thought that i was really their baby in the office. they all feel for me. and they all said the same thing, one more fuck up from him and he'll be dead. ahahaha! i never thought that they care for me that much and they dont want to see me get hurt. seriously, i LOVE you guys to bits, even when sometimes your making my life miserable.

IM STRESSED because, this wont die down! and im not expecting this to die down, because he has yet to return to work and i am pretty suuurrre that when he comes back, its gonna be bigger, bolder and nastier than ever.

for a ruse, this sure is a fucked up outcome. i even said to the people that its not his fault. that im the one to blame. that i was the cause of all the shits that's been happening to us just so they would stop all of their threats against him.

oh my. FML. sorry M. dont worry, as i told you on BBM if i have a sudden bout of hysteria ill just stop talking to you to avoid starting a warpath against you. :) i will do that, whether you like it or not.

sooooo... yes i finally let it all out. i hope i can breathe a little better...

skin care prducts

these are just some of the products i use, i apologise if i didnt indicate all of them, its because most of the products that i use is in another closet in another city.

skin care

When I was younger, I always hear all the women in my family saying my Lola has the most beautiful skin ever. They say even when she was bed ridden, she never forgot her skin ritual. And that I was the lucky one, to inherit her great skin. I guess they were right, why?

Because most of the people I meet would always compliment me because of my skin. When I was younger, i used to get irritated with people pinching my cheeks or touching my face because they say I have great skin. They use to brush my face with their hands and ask my mom if i wash my face with anything.

Though the face harassment happened a lot, im so happy that my face/skin didnt get brutalised. LOL. Growing older, I never had a problem with zits, when puberty hit me. I never worried about oily face, scars, discoloration, pores, etc. My skin as they say is perfect. And I owe all of it to my genes.

Dont get me wrong, im not saying that great skin can only be achieved by having some great genes. Well, let me digress, great skin, yes came from genes and yes, it can also be made possible without the help of "products".

Now that I am older, i dont just rely on my genes, i use products that helps me maintain my skin. So what products do I sue, lets start from the face down.

Daily Regimen Face:

1. To wash my face, I alternate using a Dove Cream Bar Extra Sensitive (as i have the most sensitive skin evaar) and Ponds Facial Scrub. These products are sensitive enough to be used daily.

2. To remove gunk, dirt and makeup, I use ponds cold cream daily and l'oreal make up remover. I love the cold cream as it instantly does the job and the loreal takes care of those, smudge proof and waterproof make up thats hard to remove.

3. To exfoliate, I use the St Ives Apricot scrub. Hands down the best, so i dont use any other product. I exfoliate 4x a week, but it depends on each activity. This is even formulated to be used everyday, depending on the skin you have, I have sensitive skin and I dont scrubbing my face too often.

4. To moisturize during the day, i put on Myra vitamin E moisturizer sunscreen with spf 15. This protects my skin from the sun and it keeps it soft and supple. For night, I smear a think layer of Vaseline (petroleum jelly cream or just plain petroleum jelly) on my face and neck area, and when i wake up, i wash it with water and i feel fresh, plus you can instantly feel the changes on your face.

5. Last but definitely not the least, the best product i use are, water and vitamin E. Yes, I drink gallons and gallons of water to keep me hydrated and vitamin E to help me keep my skin and the rest of my body healthy.

a month of neglect

i know, im a neglect. ive neglected this blog for a month. ive been too busy and getting caught up with work that i barely have time for blogging. AAAANNNNDDD, im feeling that i should a lot of my time with REAL people instead of REEl people. LOLS. anyways, what happened to me this past month? gonna share it with pictures...

the sister finally graduated from college!

picking strawberries at the field forever...

the super moon happened, wished sailor moon appeared!

miniB's pre-birthday celeb

current obsession nail art

potipot

this much needed beach escapade jumpstarted my summer fever! i was so glad that the we were able to go there!!!

im still so stoked so ill just post the pics!!

huwaw. the whole month of feb passed me by and not one blog.

well, honestly nothing good ever came up so i didnt even try to get a new entry goin.

so let try to sum up the good/bad things:

+ skype saved my life

+ potipot

+ the devil is resigning but not without fucking with our pay!!

+ got a new laptop.

+ got a new puppy

+ got my new phone

+ still in good health

+ nephew will be coming

+ friends resigning

+ HPV vaccine

+ whole lotta make up

+ not enough money

+ newly coloured hair

+ wax wax wax

i guess thats it.

oh yeah its summer! so i guess!! BEACH!!

i got protected from HPV

ive been meaning to blog about this for days, however, im just not feeling well enough. this entry is about the HPV vaccination i had last friday.

I liked the fact that ive finally get 1 out of 5 shots. since i saw the ad of Pia M. for cervical cancer, i knew i wanted to get the shot for me, my sister and my mom. but alas, it was expensivo. so its a good thing that the company im working for, provided 3 out of the 5 shots for free, so i grabbed the opportunity. now, i just have to pay for the last 2 shots.

The thing about this vaccine is, it hurts like hell, well not really but it made me numb. meaning its a very potent drug to knock me out like that. I've been vaccinated before, for various illnesses, like, flu, hepatitis a,b and c etc and i never felt the sting of it. well, they said its a normal occurrence for someone who'd taken a shot, but the thing is, this is the first time that ive experience its side effects. im the one who normally doesnt feel the sting, doesnt get sick, doesnt feel weak after the vaccination. and even if i felt a little weak, i would do it over and over again. as they say, prevention is better than cure. and i'd rather feel a little weak from the vaccine than feel a lot worse from the sickness.

i got protected, you should too.

meet chopper

i just love my dogs. they bring me joy and relaxation. so 'ere he is, CHOPPER

he is just so cute!

name: chopper

breed: akita inu

age: 1 1/2 mos.

color: brown and black

sex: male

he's dad spade, a pure bred akita inu is our original akita, he has black coat and on his belly, feet and the tip of his tail, its all white.

puss puss

wearing Wet and Wild Cherry Berry Lipstick and Maybelline Light Berry Lipgloss

me and my red lips. ahahaha! ive been looking for the perfect shade of red lippy since gwen stefani made it her promise to the world that no other color of lipstick will dare touch her lips. and being inlove with the color red helps too. it didnt start that way. i didnt use a glossy or glazed lipstick. i used the ordinary matte lipstick. then i started experimenting on it. i thought, how can i add some fire into this shade, boring ol' red will just not work for me. so i started to combine some, other shades like pink, peach and neutral... didnt work. it actually ended up like a pile of rejected shades. so then, i saw my lipgloss. its actually a bright pink one, and i added it on top of my lippy et viola! perfecto!

the mother didnt like it though, she said its too red. uhm, mom, nothing is too red, not even blood. so ladies, i think i will stick with this shade up until my next order of lipstick arrive and i get to play with it.

ciao'

2011

i think everyone is still in love with fireworks that we take pictures of it. no matter how silly we make look.