challenge accepted.

i am forever grateful to the continuous blessing that God has given me.

I still feel though that i do not deserve it. i feel that i would fail. i also feel ashamed about it because i know other people are more deserving than i am. no matter how many people would say that i deserve it and its been a long time coming and its about time, i dont feel that way.

i know there are a lot of struggles that the team is facing right now, morale is low, nte's here and there, demotions for others, and i feel that this promotion is a slap to their faces.

thats the reason why i never announced it. i never told anyone, but my parents and a few close friends. i never told anyone because i dont think i deserve it. and im embarassed by it. and the fact that this was offered and i never applied/asked for this... is daunting. what if i fail? what if i create more problems than solutions?! what if im a bad choice? what if what if what if...

there is never a day that i question myself, why me? im just doing my job. why not jaypee? he already has the experience, why not just choose him. im more effective with the workload that i have right now. besides, we're one trainer short, you could've used me for that.

the 'why me' part has been answered by so many people already. and it feels nice that the people you work with trusts you and believes in you and are impressed by your work that they offer you the position.
but its still scary. it will always be scary i suppose. every venture you move into will always be the unknown.

But I know i cannot be scared forever. I have to face this, I want to be promoted, I want to move up. But not right away, not this time, i always say... but when IS the TIME?? when??

i guess, time answered my question.

I've accepted the post, and ive accepted that i cannot do anything about it. And i have to be BRAVE for this. I have to be. Or else, i'll be stuck at the safe zone.

So its CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Thank you for the people who believes in me and tells me things that makes my head swell. I will do this.

the trouble with trust is...

some say people comes and goes as they please in your life. but in my life, people go when i dont trust them anymore.

because i have trust issues.

i wasnt like this before, i was actually inviting and trusting. my issue stemmed from that broken heart years ago. ive learned to forgive and forget the person but i never really get around to trust people that easily anymore. i suppose if you got burned pretty bad you'd be scared to even feel warmth.

i had friends falling off the grid and people not being able to enter my life because of my issue. just recently i had a sorta falling out with a friend. we remained friends however, its never the same.

its not the "hey fucker whatcha doin" friend anymore its more of a "see on the lift and a simple hey would be enough and then go on your merry way" kindda friend.

i would like for it to change back to the way we were but, i cant seem to do it. it doesnt even feel awkward for me not to talk to him anymore, although i do miss the psycho babble shit we do and coffees and breakfast. but thats it. that's just about it. i dont think about it anymore. and come to think of it, its because i dont trust him anymore. i dont trust him enough to actually go out of my way to make him feel welcome in my world anymore. (not being a mega galactic bitch who acts out of self entitlement here)

its not easy for me to trust. and i dont trust you my friend, anymore.

its a shame though, we could've been a will and grace combo.

happy mothers day mom!

i had written down 4 different paragraphs just to describe and to let the world know how awesome you are but nothing seems to match and able to capture how truly amazing you are. so ill just keept it simple.

I LOVE YOU MOM!

talisayin cove 2012

i have the best summer ever. even if i have these skin allergies from too much sun, i still enjoyed every bit of my summer. and i believe it hasnt stopped yet. i still have 2 more summer outings to go to. i still have calaguas island, camarines norte and i think 1 in antipolo. Marse's also planning the camara island in zambales.

i enjoy the beach too much. and i loved it. even if i havent been out of the country these past years, im ok with it, because im determined to explore the philippine islands first before i venture to other countries. and im starting from north to south.

last week i had a blast at talisayin cove. its part of the coves and islands of pundaquit, san antonio, zambales. it was my first time to be there. it was lucklaster compared to the most talked about anawangin cove, but nothing compared to nagsasa cove. it was a so so place, with a lot of locales taking permanent residence.

the thing that i liked about the place is that you can choose where to camp because it has a long stretch of sandy white to gravel like sand. it has a lot of shade as trees were abundant in the area.

the middle part of the beach is where cottages are located, the farther left is where the private part of the beach is, with houses and common areas design with ZEN and SERENITY in mind. (i wouldnt mind staying in those houses) towards the right are stretches of sand good for camping.

the water. is FINE!! its so clear you can see the sand, fish, rocks and corals! its great for swimming, the water is calm and cool. we even reached i think around 17ft deep.

i never got enough of the water, thats why im tan! yeah!! to show you guys how much i enjoyed the beach pictures below!