Say Goodbye and Thank you to 2012

This is by far the best year end experience of my life. Personal, emotional and career wise im good.

I have so much to be thankful for :)

Lets start with the Lord. I know, im not the kind of person who would normally talk abt religion like its a fad. But i would really like to thank Him. He has provided me with so much and its overwhelming. Even if I sometimes forget to talk to Him, He is still there.

Thank you Lord.

The family, some people take their families for granted, some even hated their family. Me? I love them. All of them, even if I hate some of their guts, even if I want to strangle some of them. But you cant choose your family right?








The girlies! I am so blessed to have these girlies by my side since pre-k. Love them to bits. I think I wouldnt be able to survive my adolescent, pre-teens, teenage and 20s without them. And are bond is  just getting stronger and stronger as the years went by. Even if we are living in different countries with different timezones, meet different girlies, we still cant rid of each other. I love these girls!

Viber and Whatapp! Technology has a way of making communication for everyone easier. I love the inventors/developer of these app! Without this, I wouldnt be able to contact my friends/family abroad!

Transcom. Yes, im thankful for the work, the stress, the drama, the laughter, the politics, the friendship, the family and the team. I love working here, even if it engulfs the living daylights out of me. I can never seem to leave this company, ive started my roots here and i love the people here, from the maintenance, security, facilities and head honchos!

And last, but certainly not the least. My favorite MAN. My Carlo. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for finding. Thank you for consistency. Thank you for the effort. Thank you for not listening. Thank you for not leaving. Thank you for the love. I love you. More than you know.

Happy Holidays brought to you by popoy + basha

This is one of the happiest christmas of my life. What better way to spend the holidays than with the person you love. Im really grateful that he came into my life. When I thought I never needed anyone. When I actually came into terms with myself, and said yes, I am single and its better this way.

Thank you poy for sharing this holiday with me :) thank you for always being there and making me happy :) and being the silver lining to everything :)

I love you my popoy. And yes, I will go to the ends of the world with you. Even if i keep on saying no... :)

the big 2 6

My apologies lovelies for not blogging for the longest time. you know office work and such.

sooo my birthday just finished! and that was so far the happiest birthday ive had!! the people closest to me now have celebrated it with me. it would be perfect if my whole family was able to celebrate it with me... but you know... work and stuff.

I celebrated it at home, in the beach with family, friends and foooooddd!! so much food! ahahaha!! Some of the fun below!!!

that beauty shot! chos!!

the serenity shot!!

chilling at the reef cafe

sooo muccchhh happiness in one photo

oh and this is the invite made by my good friend stan! visit them at cstanlilayouts.multiply.com

the opening salvo to my birthday!

thank you for the love!!! 

challenge accepted.

i am forever grateful to the continuous blessing that God has given me.

I still feel though that i do not deserve it. i feel that i would fail. i also feel ashamed about it because i know other people are more deserving than i am. no matter how many people would say that i deserve it and its been a long time coming and its about time, i dont feel that way.

i know there are a lot of struggles that the team is facing right now, morale is low, nte's here and there, demotions for others, and i feel that this promotion is a slap to their faces.

thats the reason why i never announced it. i never told anyone, but my parents and a few close friends. i never told anyone because i dont think i deserve it. and im embarassed by it. and the fact that this was offered and i never applied/asked for this... is daunting. what if i fail? what if i create more problems than solutions?! what if im a bad choice? what if what if what if...

there is never a day that i question myself, why me? im just doing my job. why not jaypee? he already has the experience, why not just choose him. im more effective with the workload that i have right now. besides, we're one trainer short, you could've used me for that.

the 'why me' part has been answered by so many people already. and it feels nice that the people you work with trusts you and believes in you and are impressed by your work that they offer you the position.
but its still scary. it will always be scary i suppose. every venture you move into will always be the unknown.

But I know i cannot be scared forever. I have to face this, I want to be promoted, I want to move up. But not right away, not this time, i always say... but when IS the TIME?? when??

i guess, time answered my question.

I've accepted the post, and ive accepted that i cannot do anything about it. And i have to be BRAVE for this. I have to be. Or else, i'll be stuck at the safe zone.

So its CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Thank you for the people who believes in me and tells me things that makes my head swell. I will do this.

the trouble with trust is...

some say people comes and goes as they please in your life. but in my life, people go when i dont trust them anymore.

because i have trust issues.

i wasnt like this before, i was actually inviting and trusting. my issue stemmed from that broken heart years ago. ive learned to forgive and forget the person but i never really get around to trust people that easily anymore. i suppose if you got burned pretty bad you'd be scared to even feel warmth.

i had friends falling off the grid and people not being able to enter my life because of my issue. just recently i had a sorta falling out with a friend. we remained friends however, its never the same.

its not the "hey fucker whatcha doin" friend anymore its more of a "see on the lift and a simple hey would be enough and then go on your merry way" kindda friend.

i would like for it to change back to the way we were but, i cant seem to do it. it doesnt even feel awkward for me not to talk to him anymore, although i do miss the psycho babble shit we do and coffees and breakfast. but thats it. that's just about it. i dont think about it anymore. and come to think of it, its because i dont trust him anymore. i dont trust him enough to actually go out of my way to make him feel welcome in my world anymore. (not being a mega galactic bitch who acts out of self entitlement here)

its not easy for me to trust. and i dont trust you my friend, anymore.

its a shame though, we could've been a will and grace combo.

happy mothers day mom!

i had written down 4 different paragraphs just to describe and to let the world know how awesome you are but nothing seems to match and able to capture how truly amazing you are. so ill just keept it simple.

I LOVE YOU MOM!

talisayin cove 2012

i have the best summer ever. even if i have these skin allergies from too much sun, i still enjoyed every bit of my summer. and i believe it hasnt stopped yet. i still have 2 more summer outings to go to. i still have calaguas island, camarines norte and i think 1 in antipolo. Marse's also planning the camara island in zambales.

i enjoy the beach too much. and i loved it. even if i havent been out of the country these past years, im ok with it, because im determined to explore the philippine islands first before i venture to other countries. and im starting from north to south.

last week i had a blast at talisayin cove. its part of the coves and islands of pundaquit, san antonio, zambales. it was my first time to be there. it was lucklaster compared to the most talked about anawangin cove, but nothing compared to nagsasa cove. it was a so so place, with a lot of locales taking permanent residence.

the thing that i liked about the place is that you can choose where to camp because it has a long stretch of sandy white to gravel like sand. it has a lot of shade as trees were abundant in the area.

the middle part of the beach is where cottages are located, the farther left is where the private part of the beach is, with houses and common areas design with ZEN and SERENITY in mind. (i wouldnt mind staying in those houses) towards the right are stretches of sand good for camping.

the water. is FINE!! its so clear you can see the sand, fish, rocks and corals! its great for swimming, the water is calm and cool. we even reached i think around 17ft deep.

i never got enough of the water, thats why im tan! yeah!! to show you guys how much i enjoyed the beach pictures below!

my summer so far

i said on my twitter that i am determined to make this my best summer ever!! and to give you a glimpse of what i had for my summer 2012 here are the pictures!!

Capones Island, San Antonio Zambales

Anawangin Cove, San Antonio Zambales

Zoobic Safari

Cubi Point, Subic

Camayan Beach Resort, Subic

!

lets talk about my status and my future

i never really thought of what im going to write in here... i just felt like i needed to. i actually have a lot of ideas in my head however, they dont really pan out in when im typing them in... i think its because its all problems rather than solutions... and i dont wanna look back and read my entries and realised what a fucked up kid i was...

but then after a few minutes of break i decided to write something that ive been talking to my friends about. all the time. so 'ere it goes...

LETS TALK ABOUT MY STATUS

im currently 25, although i tried to stop the time by 22. i never wanted to grow old. and i think thats a little absurd of me because im still considered to be in my prime. however, when i turned 22, most of my friend are settled down, if not, they have kids already. and i am no where near those stage. even now.

im single, no boyfriend and no future marriage proposal. im not saying i want to have one but im nearing my late twenties and i said, by 27 i hope im married.

last night, my girlfriends and i had these talks again. i dont know if they are worried about me, or they just want to pressure me into a relationship so i can catch up to what they mostly talk about. married life. they're trying to set me up with a bunch of guys and i kept on saying no. they said im picky, choosy and what not. i said im not picky im just not ready. well, honestly, thats a half truth and half lie. i am picky and i am not ready. im afraid of it actually. i think my past experiences clouded my judgement. or im just enjoying myself too much.

i hate myself for being this indecisive about an important aspect of my life.

honestly, i am afraid. afraid of being in a relationship just because i need to be in one. because. i was just part of one. i always said, that i would never be in a relationship just because i need to be, i said, i will be in a relationship because i want to be and i love the person. turns out, i ate my own words.

i got into a relationship because of convenience, not because we love each other. and i am deathly afraid that it would happen again.

and lets not forget, about enjoying myself too much. yes, honestly. i am enjoying this. looking at some of my friends, who are, i dare say happily committed, they always have a hard time enjoying themselves. they cant just go and pack their bags and leave for the beach. they have to consider get the permission of their better halves before they can move. and i dont want that. i want freedom. i want to be able to go into the world, soak up the vibes and and breathe freely...

and coming from a relationship, i just had a taste of that. i do not like restrictions. no. dont get me wrong im not being selfish here. all i want is for my partner to trust me and my judgement. i will not deliberately put myself into a compromising position. im not an idiot. im an adult so do not treat me like a child. well, he WAS possessive as possessive can be.

so what will my future be? i know, that im not gonna be married in the next years, i know that im not gonna have a child in the next year... and i know, that im not yet part of their married life conversation NOT just yet... because im too busy living my life. the way i enjoy it.

glad you came

i absolutely have to let you go. its a vicious cycle for the both of us. its like we're each others drugs. and i cant live like that anymore. i have to draw the line and say to myself that i deserve someone better... and i  have to believe that i deserve someone better. not someone that's part time, like you. this would be my last entry about you. as i would like to move forward with my life, free of you. and i do not want to reminisce in the future and say to myself why i didnt pull the plug when i had the chance. so you, whoever you are. thank you for being part of my life. im glad you came, you taught me a very valuable lesson, that its ok to love someone, as long as you love yourself too. its ok for you to lose yourself for someone but you have to make sure that your lifeline is still intact.

another wonderful experience with globe

hey globe i just really wanted to thank you for all the shitty things that you've done.

i love you guys so much so let me count the ways:

1. Your hotline IVR has alot of options that are unnecessary.
2. I chose an english speaking representative because i cannot explain my issue with your broadband in tagalog, because frankly, i got used to english. SO i expect an english speaking rep to answer my query, i understand that ENGLISH is not our native language nor we are experts on this, but if you put an agent on that queue make sure they know how to speak it and understand the language!
3. You have the shittiest type of VERIFICATION ever! Your agent whom i spoke with, really is AMAZING. seriously, does he understand english?! he asked for all the information that my mum has, i understand its part of your process he's just following protocol but does he need to use a condescending tone everytime? I already told him that im looking at a copy of the bill and it doesnt say anywhere on the bill what type of plan im on, if it says there i wouldve said it. I already provided the name of the account holder, full address with post code and DOB and my relationship to the account holder and still not enough? or are you just buying time to look for an answer to my query?
4. TRAIN YOUR PEOPLE. Im speaking on a high level here, because i am a trainer of an ISP's Technical Support Tier 1 and Tier 2. The basics of connection especially with a router is the GUI. Graphic User Interface and your agent doesnt even know what that is!

its is tiring to be your customer. seriously.

im calling my self a single woman in a confusing and complicated relationship

i had a lot going on right now, so i am unable to blog. so this entry will be more on a lookback and hopefully a look forward.

work is heavy right now and i rather not talk about it. i dont wanna read this into my future when i do a lookback.

lovelife is confusing. i dunno what we are right now. i know what i am, but if you put us together, im confused. so now, im calling my self a single woman in a confusing and complicated relationship. fitting.
we talk but we havent seen each other, he's busy, im super busy, so we cant really see each other. atleast we're talking constantly. constant communication is key.  and today its different, he actually listened to my issues and problems at work and life and not once did he turned it all about him. thank you.

what else, oh friends! i actually have more time with my friends now that he's working. i have a tendency to focus on a single subject which is him, for the past 6 months, so i think ill alot some of my time to my friends.

its macoi's bday and we are planning it!!! its called macoi's dragday!! so everyone is gonna be in drag and heavy makeup and fun fun fun!!! i cant wait to dance and partey!!!

yes, my calendar does not have a feb 14 either!!

yes like normal people i skipped the vday.

not being a bitter prick here but im done and over with valentines day. its not like christmas where everybody has to comply and celebrate the damn thing! ( ilove christmas btw)

i was a bitter neanderthal the first half of the day due to seeing too many "i-love-you-babe" on the innernets! the one thing i hate the most are overtly lovey couples.

and yes, being surrounded by single and bitter people helped shaped my mood that day.

lemme make this clear. the last time i spent vday was pretty awesome and surreal it had to be fake. i mean who would do something like that? that is uniquely impossible! and yet he accomplished it. turns out, the reaosn why he did that was because he had a huge skeleton to bury and he needed it to disappear fast.

so i was kindda traumatised by that. however, recent turn of events had change my mood ever so slightly on this particular 14th of feb. i got a surprise by M. he gave me balloons and candies.

surprise and total shock, because M is never the surprise kindda person. he always always forgets things that is not related to him. ask him what my birthday is, he wouldnt even know. that's how annoyingly selfish M is.

so imagine my surprise, when i get a commanding call from him asking me commanding me to go down to the parking lot because he has to give me something. Lo and Behold he gave me balloons and candies. im grateful for that really but he didnt have to carry me! goodness!

honestly, i was caught off guard. i was floating after. i wasnt really happy i was really... grateful. grateful that he remembered me on vday. and he took the time and effort just to visit me at work and make me feel special, even if its less than 30 mins.

my own terms

i will eternally love my gayfriends.

they can tell that im unhappy without me syaing anything. even when they dont see what i look like.

its trivial for me, to have this bond with them that it scares me, what scares me the most is that i would not be able to mask anything from them anymore. if you should know (talking to myself here) the thing that i mastered in my life is to hide my emotions.

i am notorious in burying my feelings until i forgot that i even had those emotions. i am one of those people that would tell you whats just on the surface, anything else beneath the surface is mine and mine alone. I carry other people's burden but i would never want other people to carry mine. its selfish i know...

people telling me their deepest darkest thoughts and emotions, trusting me enough to let me in... but i can never do that. im selfish when it comes to my own demons. ill fight them alone. i never want to impose myself on other people. and i will not start now.

i guess im the biggest masochist and sadist there is, i enjoy giving pain to myself and receiving pain from myself.

its not that i dont trust anyone. its just that... i am uncomfortable with people knowing more than what they should know. im... not use to people pushing their opinions and judgement on me because i dont want a tainted decision. i want to fight my own battles in my battlefield with my own strategy. and i dont want any casualties... but me

party girl

we found love in a hopeless place

I am still hung over from last friday night!! it was a serious TGIF!! im sober as hell but i just cant stop dancing! thats the reason why i really avoid clubs/bars that doesnt have seats and tables. because im just gonna dance my ass off the whole entire time! like seriously. i was a bad ass bitch on the dance floor! LOLz.

it also helped that Panda was there and he made sure im well taken cared off. aww shucks. pandabear is sweet! lolz. his friend though was concerned about me, because i just kept chugging the beer and dance with mah hands in the ayer!! SOWEE, so much for being the nice gf that i was. hehehe.

it was so much fun that im more hungover from the dancing rather than from the alcohol. i danced with my friends, i danced with other people, i danced with panda, danced while i talked to people, danced while drinking and danced while dancing! GAWD!! i think i danced for a good 3 hrs straight, because by 5am i remembered panda was with me and i was hugging him from behind and he was lying on top of me... hmmm... we might have OP'ed some people unintentionally. sorry. :)

but still i wanna repeat that dance off! i swear! next friday/saturday its ON!

partygirl is back!

here's to 2011

yep. this is my last blog entry for 2011. hoping i actually finish this on time. hoo kay.

2011 started out as crap for me. one ginormous crap. work was and still is hella crazy, lost a lot of friends and coworkers in this year. lost parts of my sanity as well, but rediscovered some parts of me that i thought was lost forever.

rekindled friendships with people and finally went ahead and face my fears. ;P

ill just follow the old adage: a picture is worth a thousand words. soooo, my 2011 in pictures!

in no particular order